About six or seven years ago I created a gmail account under the alias “Stephanie Freedom” so I could send Fox News emails saying “Fair and balanced my ass!” I am sure I was drunk when this idea hit me and when I used the account. Like most things conjured up during a boozy haze, I lost interest after a few weeks…but Stephanie still comes out to play when the political system irks/frustrates her and today she/I (we?) called every Congressman from the great state of Virginia (I’m not being politically incorrect, there isn’t a woman in the bunch).  Nearly every call was answered by a live person.

I took notes, and the results may surprise you.

First up…Rob Wittman-R.

Me: Hi, my name is Jennifer and a I’m a constituent. I’d like to understand what the Congressman’s position is on the debt ceiling debate [This sentence heretofore known as INTRO].
Staffer: Well, what are your concerns?
Me: I’m concerned that he’s backing a bill that we have all been told will be vetoed and therefore wasting precious time.
Staffer: I’m happy to pass that on.
Me: Great, but can you tell me if he’s backing Boehner’s plan?
Staffer: I’m not sure.
Me: You’re not sure?
Staffer: No
Me: …

Gerry Connolly-D

Me: INTRO
Staffer: I haven’t spoken to him. I’m an intern.
Me: Ok, can you pass me to someone who understands his position? [On hold]
Staffer: He’s on the floor right now.
Me: [thinking, was I on hold for a staffer or the congressman?] Ok, I’ll call back.

Bobby Scott-D

Me: INTRO
Staffer: Good question; he voted against Boehner’s bill this morning, the issue is that: we haven’t seen Reid’s bill. We want to be good stewards of the taxpayer dollar, so we’re not committing to Reid’s bill until we see it.
Me: I’ve heard that’s tonight?
Staffer: Right, that’s the latest. We haven’t seen all of what is involved, but I’m sure if Reid’s plan is equitable and something that… [stumbles]…I really can’t say that…um, we’re looking for something that makes sense.
Me: [laughs]
Staffer: [laughs] It’s a tough situation. Such a waste of time, but you have to go through the process; we’ll be here over the weekend so call anytime to check the status.

Bob Goodlatte-R

Me: INTRO
Staffer: I haven’t personally spoken to him…
Me: Do you think you’ll know this weekend?
Staffer: I believe so.
Me: I hope so.
Staffer: …

Jim Moran-D

Me: INTRO
Staffer: Well, he’s against Boehner’s plan, but we don’t know what’s coming down the pike. We’ll be here all weekend, so feel free to check back in.

Frank Wolf-R

Me: INTRO
Staffer: Well, I know two things, he is backing the Boehner plan because it is the only thing on the table BUT he supports any bi-partisan debate.
Me: I’m concerned that he’s backing Boehner’s plan when we know it will end in a veto.
Staffer: Well, I’m happy to pass that on but remember he’s doing it because it’s the only thing that’s on the table and he wants to move us forward.
Me: How is that moving us forward when we all know it’s dead on arrival!?!
Staffer [clearly weary]: Ok m’am, I’ll pass that on.
Me: [thinking, can't we come up for a better female equivalent for "sir" than "m'am?"]

Scott Rigell-R

Intro: I watched a youtube video on his homepage where the Congressman answers what his Communications Director deemed frequently asked questions. These ran the gamut from Q: What is the difference between the deficit and the debt? A: instructive answer; Q: How did we get here? A: blah, blah, blah…abstract answer.

Me: INTRO
Staffer: Well, I just got off the phone with the Communications Director and here’s the most up to date information. During the campaign on through today, the Congressman has always had a platform of paying debts we have incurred while reducing spending. He’s working with the Republicans and it’s important to the Congressman that this legislation include a balanced budget amendment.
Me: But why now? The timing just seems off considering the deadlines and the implications for our country’s rating.
Staffer: Well, we feel that in order to prevent this from happening again that we must have a way to control spending and balancing the budget is a way to support that.
Me: And I completely understand that, but again: why now? Given the implications over the next few days. I mean, I don’t know how much influence you have over the Congressman.
Staffer: I do have some influence.
Me: I wasn’t suggesting you didn’t, sorry…
Staffer: No, I don’t mean to be argumentative.
Me: You’re not. I really appreciate your honesty, and for listening.
Staffer: Look, I’ll tell you something others won’t say: it’s political theater. This balanced budget amendment, it’s an opportunity for them to advocate for their position. There’s a heavy spotlight on this and we feel like, even though we know it won’t work, that the impact of having that as part of the discussion is really what we’re after.
Me: Wow, that’s interesting. There’s a strategy. I appreciate you being honest, really!
Staffer: Hey, this is cool for me, too. To hear from someone other than a tea party person. [laughs].
Me: [laughs]
Staffer: Look at healthcare. Look how many times that was shot down. But people still kept pushing, and it finally got there. That’s where your congressman is at.
Me: Political theater.
Staffer: Political theater.
Me: Go have a beer!
Staffer: I can’t wait to have a beer.

Forbes, Hurt, Cantor, Griffith: I got your voicemail service today.  Call you in the morning!